we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
