She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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