im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
