I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
