If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
