it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
