apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Randomize
