Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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