You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
