How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
