Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
