I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
