If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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