I wanna bring you to show and tell
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
