I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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