apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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