I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
