Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
