Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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