Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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