Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
