Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
