Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
