The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
