i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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