I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
