TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
