Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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