Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
