You work out of a Hotel?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
