1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
