Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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