i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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