Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
