Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
