Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
