talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Of course I have a pirate flag
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
