My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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