she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
