I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
