There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
