i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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