started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
