I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
