I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
