absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Pants are for mortals
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
