I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
