I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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