The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
