dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
