I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I have aggressive nipples.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
