I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
