My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
