I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
